It has been almost a year since I last wrote. And some of you might already noticed that. It’s not as if I have not tried writing in the past year. I did. A lot many times. Sometimes when the inspiration stuck me hard and I felt the need to bottle it all up before it got lost. Or during the times when I was devoid of inspiration for a lot many days and I feared of what I had become. I tried countless times but never succeeded. Also then there was my excuse of the fact that I could only write on a laptop and not the good old way with pen and paper. I had given the old one to my younger brother and I hadn’t saved enough to buy a new one.
Today after many trashed attempts and a number of days I am finally writing. Today I decided to not be a coward. So I opened Ms- Word in my brand new laptop and started writing the first thing that came to my mind. I don’t know the things I am writing will see the light of the day or not. Is it worth posting it in my blog? My only aim is to write like never before. Stuff all past year emotions , ups and downs in this one page. Even this heated-mid summer- no electricity moment cannot distract me from the task I have set out to do.
I don’t consider myself an emotional person. But some people refer to me as extremely passionate. Not about everything. But only about the things I care about. I am quite sure I can count them on my one hand. Last year I got myself an earning job. Not the one you can get at every nook and corner, but the one my parents could be proud of. I shifted to other corner of the country ( from New Delhi to Chennai). Found some great people to work with, made some great friends, experienced vast cultural and linguistical differences, faced extreme heat conditions and what not. In short enjoyed whatever good or bad life threw at me. But something was missing. I could feel it everyday like a annoying wood splinter stuck in my thumb.
People around me know I have a dream. Not because they pay close attention to me, but because I keep blabbering it to them. A dream that does not consist of me being rescued by a prince on a white horse. I know I am capable of doing that myself. I dream of books and pages, alphabets and punctuations , white pages and black ink. A dream that gives me sleepless nights mostly, but some nights it lets me sleep like a baby when I am all tired out.
Most days I bury it deep down below on account of it being impossible and me being average. but some days when my spirits are soaring high I dare to peek inside and feel guilty of all the moments I have wasted, of all the times I let opportunities slip through my fingers.
Today is one such day.
As I read again what I have written, I am afraid it won’t make much sense. Except writing this has filled me to the brim with confidence.
I now know I will make my dream of books and pages a reality. There might be lows and highs, ups and downs, small successes and giving up failures but I know this
one day it will happen.
My dreams will come true.
Till then I just have to hold tight, work hard, enjoy the happenings
and never ever give up.
Also read ‘ MY SECRETS UNCLAD: JUST THIS ONE’ I wrote that few days after I started blogging. Notice the difference in writing and thought process. Link down below: